dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
