I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
