I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
