There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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