I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
