Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
