I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
