she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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