sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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