i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
