whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
