They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
