Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
