ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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