i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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