i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
