i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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