But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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