I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
