He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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