After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize