so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
