i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
