Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize