And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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