I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
