I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize