i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
