I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just found a bag of teeth...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
