i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
