Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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