i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
