dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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