I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
