i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
