As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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