I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
And then he peed in my hair
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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