if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
