I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
