I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
