You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
