just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
