pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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