I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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