at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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