Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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