this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
