the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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