Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
