That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
