just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
