just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
