i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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