I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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