I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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