Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
