You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
