he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
im holly from the hills drunk
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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