i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
