he puts the penis in happiness.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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