just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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