that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
So squirting runs in the family.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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