dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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