nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
