just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
