I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
