I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
