I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
