Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
